An Hour ...

It's evening. Supper is done. Dishwasher hissing as it works away the evidence of a meal. Curled up beside me on the couch ... no tv ... no radio or game systems ... just me and James ... and ... a book. He squints his eyes. Thick dark lashes over chocolate brown eyes (just like his Daddy). James picks at the words. Some are easy, others difficult. I sound out the tough words. He repeats them and gains excitement with each sentence. Together, we're discovering the world of knights and castles.

I press my cheek against his mass of brown hair and I listen. James has reached chapter 7 ... Armor. "Armor was heavy ... hot ... hard to put on ... hard to take off. But, it was the best protection a knight could have when he went into battle." This book describes each piece of armor in detail ... what it was for ... how it was made ... why it was important. At the end of the chapter, two pages covered with pictures of a knight in armor and his horse. James reads the caption above the knight's picture ... "it could take over an hour for a knight to get dressed."

Every sentence, every word after that ... blurred. I was stuck on the idea of a knight spending an entire hour putting on his armor. Each piece somehow fit together with the other pieces to create an impenetrable exterior. An hour ... dressing to go into battle. That didn't include the years training to become a knight. That hour was just the armor.

James lets out a frustrated sigh. Lost in my thoughts, I missed his need for help with an unfamiliar word. "Heraldry" I sound it out slowly. He turns back to the book and I turn back to that hour ... James story reminded me of God's armor. In Ephesians 6, we are called to put on the full armor of God.

"10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. "

As Christians, our time spent with God and spent in His word is like the knight dressing for battle. An hour. If a knight spent that amount of time dressing for battle, surely I should spend the same (if not more) preparing ... dressing for my daily battle against the things of this world. But, sometimes ... I don't. I let my busy schedule, my crazy mornings ... get in the way of my time in The Word. Some mornings, I hurry through my daily devotional ... not letting the words soak into my heart. I don't take time to put on the armor He provides. I race around stuffing lunches into totes, folders into back packs, double checking pockets for toys ... another cup of coffee and 5 minutes of local news.

Today, I'm still thinking about that one sentence. I'm working on my schedule. My morning routines. I'm trying to find a way for more time in His word and less time racing. I'm not sure I'll ever find an hour to spend in His word each morning. I hope I find that hour. But, I know I need more than I have right now.

How much time do you spend preparing for battle?

She Dances

Tomorrow, they'll wheel her down a narrow hallway. Doctors and nurses will take her to place her parents can't follow ... surgery. She'll disappear into an ocean of white sheets and heart monitors. My sister and her husband will watch the hospital cart vanish ... along with a piece of their hearts ... their little girl, Hope.

If you've hung around my blog enough, you know I have 5 amazing kids in my life. My three boys and my 2 girls (my nieces). The youngest of my nieces, Hope, was born with Treacher Collins Syndrome (TCS). Over the past year, she has gone through multiple surgeries to gain her desire ... ears. Tomorrow is another step toward 'cute ears' as she puts it. The process is painful. This time, she's scared ... more than on other surgery days. She's prepared for the pain ... but ... leaving mommy and daddy ... she's afraid of that this time. She'll get through, she always does. Mary (my sister) and her husband will get through it. They always do. Hope's older sister, Alex ... she'll get through ... she always does. Sometimes, I think ... I forget her ... Alex.

And, her courage. She does what many of us couldn't do as adults. Alex will spend the day away from her parents and sister. Alex will go to school ... she'll stay there all day ... trying to pretend her world isn't several hours away. Pretending that things are normal and ... she'll worry. She'll wait for the call ... my sister calls the school and leaves a message ... just so Alex knows everything is ok and sis is done in surgery.

Alex is an amazing girl. She's rapidly approaching the teens ... holding on to childhood with one hand but stretching to reach the independence of a teenager with the other. She's quiet (when she doesn't know you well). She's all bright colors, red hair and blue eyes. And, she dances.

Since the day Alex could toddle around, she has been dancing. It's her passion. Out there on the stage, caught up in a song full of emotion ... she tells her story with fluid motion. She's an artist painting a picture on the stage. All her fears, excitement and dreams ... Alex pours them out like brushstrokes on canvas. And ... I admire her. Her courage.

Alex and I ... we have something in common. Tomorrow, we'll each be separate from our sisters. I'll be at work ... waiting for the call that says ... Mary is ok. Alex will be at school ... waiting for the call that says ... Hope is ok.

Only ... I wish I had half her courage. Her strength.

Is there a child in your life ... one you admire? Tell them. Let them know ... you see them ... you see their courage and strength.

1 Corinthians 16:13 "Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong."

On the Outside ...

This past summer I blogged about a storm our house fell victim to ... suffering some nasty damage. After that storm, we went through a battle with our insurance company. The battle ... me wanting the best coverage on my investment and the insurance company paying as little as possible.

After the insurance battle, my husband and I spent a month pricing materials and labor and ... everything. We made the decision to do the labor ourselves ... save money. Jerry's brother-in-law spent nearly every weekend this summer helping us re-side our home (shout out to him, our blessing). Jerry, our oldest son, my dad (thank you, dad for your constant willingness to help) and I spent every weekend tearing off our old deck and building the new deck.

Jerry and I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into ... we have never been the "handy man" types. But ... we learned. Jerry took on the challenge and worked hard. It was difficult, frustrating ... we would snap at each other in aggravation and then apologize later ... knowing it was out of confusion, weakness.

Evenings after work, we tried to keep up with the normal summer activities ... mowing the lawn, planting the trees we purchased earlier in the summer, baseball games, trips to and from Menards and Lowes for building materials. Each night, we fell into our bed ... totally drained from the work. Busy, exhausting ... worth it.

At the end of summer, our home looked beautiful. Our hard work paid off ... sitting on our deck, enjoying the late summer evenings ... priceless. Then ... fall came swooping in with cool nights and we were forced inside.

That's when I noticed it ... the inside ... the neglected inside. While we were busy working on the storm damage, I avoided my normal summer cleaning ... ceiling fans, windows, storm doors, closets ... all these things I usually do during the summer. The warmer months for me are a time to open all the windows, let in the fresh breeze ... empty closets and separate keep from don't keep, fresh coat of paint where needed, windows scrubbed and shiny ...

This summer, I didn't do ANY of those things. And, it was waiting for me when I came inside from my summer long storm repair. I was frustrated. That's how I am. I do not like clutter, dirt, dust ... cobwebs ... stuff. When it's there, I get anxious.

Since the fall, I have been spending weekends catching up ... and, I have spent time thinking about how this relates to my spiritual life. All too often in today's society, we invest hours in our outward appearance. Later we find a mess on the inside. While we've been busy making our outward self beautiful and acceptable by the "World's" standards, our inward self has become unacceptable by our Father's standards.

I've done this. Too often. I work in an environment where appearance is important. I make sure my hair is fixed, make up on, clothes pressed and in good taste. Acceptable. I use the excuse that my employer deems it important (and, it is) ... but, I spend more time in that pursuit than in the pursuit of inward beauty.

Years ago, I found this passage ...1st Peter 3:3-4 "Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." And, it came to mind as I cleaned out my youngest son's closet.

I'm on a mission, repair the storm damage on the inside. Dive into the Word. Ask Him what needs repair and be prepared to spend hours on that repair. I won't know what I'm doing half the time. I'll learn things about myself I didn't know before. I'll come away from the repairs with new found knowledge. It's busy, exhausting ... worth it.

What Matters Most ... ?

My son and I had talked over something. Something important to me ... small to him, but big for me. Something small, simple. Something only a parent would really, truly appreciate. All three of my boys are growing up. I want to do everything I can for them while I can. Even the simple things. Sure, they will always need me but ... not in the same way. Not the way a minor child needs his mother. So, if I have a chance to do something for them ... I want to do it.

I had asked him ... let me do this ... and, he didn't let me.

His choice hurt me. He did something I asked him not to do ... I made it clear ... there could have been no misunderstanding my desires. I came home and found he had done it anyway. And ... it hurt.

I asked him, "Why would you do that, when I asked you not to?"

His response. "I don't know, I guess I just didn't think it through." I could see he felt badly.

My husband and I give our boys ... everything. Well, everything possible. All the toys, video games, cell phones ... time with us and time with their friends. For me, his choice felt like he didn't care about my feelings ... but, he still wanted all the things I can provide for him.

And, I thought ...

What if all you had was me? What if there were no gifts, riches, blessings ... just me? Would you want me without those things?

I left the room. I needed time to think. I went to the one place a woman can go in a house full of men and be ... alone. I took a hot shower and talked to God. As a parent, I've always tried to take each 'new lesson' with my boys and learn something. So, I cried and asked Him ... what can I learn? And ... He told me. Clearly.

I remembered a sermon our pastor gave a few weeks ago. It was based on the Prodigal Son. For me, the Prodigal Son has always held redemption. It is a message of absolute forgiveness from my Father. No matter my sins, shortcomings, failures ... He will always love me and take me back into his arms. But, our pastor put a different 'light' on the story. He said ... "what matters most ... the relationship or the blessings?"

At the beginning of the parable, the Prodigal Son is more interested in his father's wealth. He wants all the 'pleasure' his father can give ... all the gifts, riches, treasures. By the end of the story, the son has learned ... the relationship ... the love between him and his father ... THAT is priceless.

God gives us tremendous blessings, gifts, treasures ... so much more than we deserve. And ... sometimes, I let those things become more important than .... Him. More important than my time with Him and my ... relationship with him. I don't think through my choices. I don't consider how my choices might make Him feel. Something as small as my morning devotions. My 30 minutes with Him at the beginning of each day. It's simple really. But ... He wants that from me. When I don't give it to Him ... it causes Him pain.

What matters most to you ... the blessings or the Man?

Thank you, my son. For teaching me something I needed so very much to learn.

Luke 15:11-32 ... "The Parable of the Lost Son"

Fish Out of Water

Panama City Beach, sunshine, ocean waves ... we took some time for us. Family. Playing in the clear water. Sandcastles. Seashells. Splashing. Toes in the sand.

Jerry's brother-in-law generously gave us a week long vacation on the ocean front.Each morning, we watched the sunrise from our 14th floor balcony. At that height, you can see all the sea life in their daily routine. Dancing in the morning sunshine. Stingrays. Jellyfish. Sharks. It was amazing to watch God's creation ... in action.

On one morning, Jerry and I watched through binoculars as a man fished in the not-yet-busy ocean. There had been several sharks the prior morning. We knew he was trying his hand at catching one. Sure enough, he did. After removing the small specimen from his hook, the fisherman walked casually from the shoreline and showed off his catch. All the while, this fish was flopping, tossing, turning ... anything to escape its captor. After several minutes of laughter and joy from the few spectators out in the early morning, he tossed it back into the surf.

Jerry immediately said, he kept it out too long. Later that morning, I understood his statement.

The shark floated ... dead ... in the calm waters where the man had tossed it.

Our sons enjoyed the 'close up' look at a 'real' shark. Our youngest held it from the tail and stroked the rubbery skin. It truly was a beautiful creature.

As I snapped this picture ... I found myself comparing Christians to that shark. Humans are amazing creations. When rescued by salvation, we begin a life with God. Our walk with Him could be compared to the shark's life in the ocean. It's incredible how God provides the exact environment sharks need in order to survive. He does that for us. Naturally, the ocean has predators that might bring harm to the shark. But, it's all within the natural process created by God. Our walk in salvation might bring us into difficult situations, pain even. Again, each are within the care of our Father.

But ... what happens if we are pulled from that environment? From the safety of God's perfect place where all our needs are met and our life is sustained in His grace?

The world does that to us ... to Christians. It hooks us ... with sin. It pulls us out of the God given environment and if we don't 'see it for what it is (sin), than we are in danger of death. The eternal death ... separation from Christ.

While it was amazing to view that small shark from a close vantage, it was also sad. Sad to see how quickly the careless fisherman's choice had taken the life of a magnificent creature. I was reminded of my need of forgiveness, a closer walk with Christ and the constant submersion in an environment created just for me by my Father.

Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Facing Fear

I faced fear this weekend. I went flying.

Yes, I'm 35 years old and never set foot on an airplane until this past weekend.

The idea was first discussed last Christmas. Pam and her husband sat with Jerry and me ... and another couple we are good friends with... all of us sitting at our annual Christmas party in 2009. We all talked about our lives and family ... that was the first time I discovered Pam and Don owned an airplane. They made a small comment of ... "you guys should join us" ... and I believe I said ... "I don't fly." Up to this weekend, I've found legitimate excuses as to why we couldn't go on the flight. We were working on our house, taking the boys to a movie, sporting events, family get togethers ... I was scared. I am deathly afraid of heights. Thus, any ol' reason for not accepting their invitation would do. I guess I thought if I kept saying "no, sorry we're busy" ... she might get tired of asking and stop. That way, I could continue on my present course of NEVER riding in an airplane. I could let my fear win.

On Saturday morning, Pam asked me ... "Are you guys busy this evening, we're flying to dinner? Can you come?"

I quickly went over every possible reason I could decline ... nothing. Football practice was the night before, no family dinners scheduled, no movies to take the boys to ... Nothing.

I called Jerry and he agreed. He had been looking forward to this for a year. Each time I declined their invitation, he would ask why ... seriously ... he knows why. I'm a big chicken.

At 5:30 p.m., I faced my fear. I sat behind Don as he piloted the plane. Jerry sat beside him and Pam beside me. I was great. We made the round and I was surprised at how calm I was ... then ... the plane left the ground. I grabbed Pam's left hand and squeezed. My stomach lurched, my eyes closed, the air left my lungs and I couldn't find blessed breath no matter how hard I gulped. An odd tingling sensation burned my chest ... it felt as if a caged bird resided beneath my ribs rather than a human heart.

Then, I heard Pam's quiet voice ... "It's ok, you're doin' great." She rubbed my hand in hers and talked about the scenery. She told me all the things I missed with my eyes tightly shut. I sat fixed in that position for the first 25 minutes of our 30 minute flight. I think I may have even asked Don to turn the plane around at some point ... said, I can't do this please go back. I might have given a couple of tears life 2000 feet above earth. Still, Pam held my hand and talked me through ... each aspect of God's creation expanding beneath the plane. Finally, I opened my eyes and watched as a hot air balloon bobbled to the left of our view.

Pam's fingers probably went numb somewhere between our little farm town and the middle of Indy. But, she never complained. Never said anything beyond soothing words of encouragement.

Rick's Boatyard was an amazing destination for dinner. I ate Maryland Crab Cakes on frenchbread with a healthy supply of Joe's mustard. I even faced my fear of mushrooms and found they really aren't too bad when stuffed with crabmeat and smothered in cheese. Actually ... They Rock!

I surprised myself by keeping my eyes open longer on the ride home. The lights were amazing from the lofty view above earth. Our little town is not as small when looking at it from an airplane ... it actually looks like a well thought out map of fields, woods, houses and rivers.

I'm glad I faced my fear. While floating ... I thought of the sensation I had felt on our departure ... of Pam's reassuring words and patience. How this adventure could relate to all fears. Any fears. There are all kinds of fear. We each have our "comfort zone." An area we feel absolutely safe and free of discomfort. I've heard it said more than once ... "step out of your comfort zone" ... "live outside the box." We all know ... fear waits outside that comfort zone ... outside that box. If you're at all like me ... you're ok with the comfort zone, ok with the inside of that familiar box.

But ... what happens if God is calling from outside the comfort zone ... from outside that nice box you've grown to love and accept? Then what? What makes you leave the comfort? What makes you open the box and find out what's waiting beyond the familiar space? Maybe your a teenager living in a small town and wondering if you have the courage to leave and try something new beyond graduation. Maybe your struggling to face that person who wronged you ... you're not good at confrontation and the thought of talking to that person is frightening. It could be that you're afraid of starting a new job or a new marriage ... new baby, new school ... old friends, old school ...

What made me leave the comfort zone of "two feet on the ground"? Pam ... Pam and my patient husband. Pam and her pilot.

She could've given up on me. She could have asked someone else to take that flight on Saturday evening. Let me remain captive to the fear of flying. But, she didn't ... she gently reminded me of God's control and of God's beauty. I liked it best when she said ... "isn't it amazing how God gave man the intelligence to build a plane ... to let us see His creation from this height?"

What words of comfort are you speaking to a brother or sister in Christ? Are you giving them strength to face fears and to take steps toward God's will in their lives?

Thank you Pam and Don ... for being patient and willing. Thank you for the amazing experience of flight. For sharing your plane and Saturday evening. You are a blessing to me and Jerry.

Competition

My husband is a competitive person. Jerry is crazy about sports .... always has been probably always will be. When I first met him (20 years ago), he played basketball and softball. I loved watching him play and I loved watching him win. That's what sports are all about, right? Winning?



This summer, my husband received an email from our community football league administrator. He asked Jerry to coach a team of 1st through 3rd graders. Knowing the league from our middle boy's sport involvement, my husband was very much aware the league was not about winning. Our community league puts the focus on every child playing every position. There is no score board ... only the scoreboard in the minds of parents and players. That was going to be tough, especially for a guy with a normal focus on winning.



At the first practice, Jerry saw the talent in some kids and the weakness of others. He knew right away the position placement that would win each and every game. That's how Jerry is, that's his strength. He thinks things through from every angle and then knows the best way to achieve the desired outcome. He saw the talent ... and, he made the choice he was called to make. He worked with the kids to be sure everybody was playing in all positions, rotating in and out. Jerry took on this challenge because he realized there was an opportunity to give each child a chance to enjoy sports. After all, they're young. Those with oodles of talent will have multiple opportunities to play lead positions as they get older. We've played several games now and each one has been tough. But ... rewarding. Jerry has said the kids smiles are the best ... he loves knowing some of those kids have been given an opportunity they've never had before ... might never have again.



And ... no one has made this easy for him. I've sat on the sidelines and listened as parents complain that the team isn't winning and that their children aren't getting to play the lead positions. I'm not "downing" those parents. I know where they're coming from ... I've been a parent on the bleachers watching in frustration at other sporting events. So, I understand. It's hard and it's not always fun. But, imagine what it would be like if each parent pulled the plug on the scoreboard in their mind. If their child playing the "choice" position wasn't the most important aspect of the game ...



As Christians, I think we make this same mistake in our everyday life. We don't always make it easy for our brothers and sisters in Christ to make the right decision, the tough decision. I'm guilty of this ... when I overhear a piece of "gossip", a co-worker complaining ... someone talking about the failures and flaws of another person ... sometimes, I take part in those conversations.



If I've learned anything from Jerry's coaching experience this season, it's to encourage not discourage. To make right choices easier not harder.



Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body."